Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Some thoughts...

Algunos pensamientos..

I don't usually talk about my personal feelings in this blog but sometimes I like to hear other parents opinions. Have you ever ask yourself Am I doing good with my kids? or maybe I am doing too much or maybe too little?
You as a parent want to do the best for your children..right? But what is the best?
C just turned 4 years old couple of months ago, she still is a my little girl and I want to protect her every second of her live, I want to spent as much time as I can with her, I want to be the first on seeing her accomplishments and also her first sad experiences. I just want to be there. Is this the right feeling? or I am becoming one of those weird moms???
C is a shy  reserved child, my husband  thinks sometimes she is too spoiled I think she is just cautious and takes a while to warm up to someone..which I am totally fine with that!!
She is being home schooled for my since day 1, never had a baby sitter (never needed one) we are pretty simple people, no dates,no fancy dinners, no parties, not too much social life.But even so ,we have been exposed her to every single play date, playground ,friends party, museum,zoo day,camping, ballet since a year  ago, gymnastics on Saturdays and church. She is very close to her group of friends that she has, they are about her age and she has no problem making new friends.

No suelo hablar de mis sentimientos personales en este blog, pero a veces me gusta escuchar las opiniones de otros padres. ¿Hay veces que te preguntas ¿Estoy haciendo bien con mis hijos? o tal vez no estoy haciendo mucho o tal vez es demasiado?
Usted como padre quiere lo mejor para sus hijos .. ¿verdad? Pero, ¿qué es el mejor?
C acaba de cumplir 4 años de edad hace un par de meses, todavía es  mi niña pequena  a la que quiero proteger , a la que quiero dedicar todo mi  tiempo, con la que quiero compartir sus logros y también sus tristezas . Sólo quiero estar allí para ella! ¿Es este un sentimiento comun, creo yo? o  es que me estoy convirtiendo en una de esas madres raras??
C es un niña reservada, mi esposo piensa que a veces es demasiado mimada.
 Ella está siendo homeschool  en casa conmigo, nunca ah tenido  una niñera ,nosotros somos personas bastante simples, no hay noches de fiesta, ni cenas de lujo, ni viajes de pareja, ni muchos amigos.Pero aun así tratamos de exponer a C a que juegue mucho con sus amiguitas que tiene, la llevamos al museo, zoológico , acampadas,al ballet desde hace un año, la gimnasia,y a la iglesia.

( These are pictures of C getting ready to go and play on the puddles, days ago)
(Estas son fotos de C alistandose para ir a jugar en los charcos que dejo la nieve derretida)

Today we took her to her first baseball practice and she wouldn't participate, she wanted to hold my hand all the time, she wouldn't answer questions to the coaches or talk to other children on her team at all. Well I thought it is her first day,all these people are strangers for her and I totally understand the feeling. (I used to be  a little girl many years ago : ) My husband didn't agree with me, he got upset and worried thinking that we are doing something wrong..maybe overprotecting her?

Hoy día la llevamos a su primera práctica de béisbol y mi nina no quiso participar, queria que la lleve d ela mano toda la practica, no quiso responder preguntas a los entrenadores o hablar con otros niños de su equipo en absoluto. Bueno, pensé que es su primer día, todas estas personas son extrañas para ella, y entiendo perfectamente el sentimiento. (Yo fui niña tambien) Mi esposo no estaba de acuerdo conmigo, él se molesto un poco y empezo a preocuparse pensando que estamos haciendo algo mal .. tal vez sobreprotección?

Once we came home, put C down for the night, we sat and talked about it. He asked me..."Patty I think we are doing something wrong? There were 15 children at the baseball field and C was the only child that didn't want to participate!! I said " Well I'm sure we are doing the best we can, I respect the way she is and we need to be patient and supportive, I don't like my daughter to be the "only kid" who didn't have fun but sometimes we just need to go on her own pace.
I have some family and close friends that "don't agree on homeschooling".But that  never changed my mind because  I love homeschooling my daughter, they don't know how lucky I am to have the chance to do that for her.
Love you did good today and tomorrow you will do better!

Una vez que llegamos a casa y pusimos a C a dormir, los dos nos sentamos a hablar de esto. Él me preguntó ... "Patty creo que estamos haciendo algo mal? Había 15 niños en el campo de béisbol y C fue la única niña que no quiso participar! Le dije:" Bueno, yo estoy segura de que estamos haciendo lo mejor que podemos, yo respeto la forma en que ella es y tenemos que ser pacientes y apoyarla, no me gusta a mi hija sea la "única nina" que no se diviertio en la practica de besibol, pero a veces sólo tenemos que seguir su propio ritmo.
Tengo algunos familiares y amigos cercanos que "no están de acuerdo en homeschooling". Aun asi nunca cambié dude porque me encanta educar a mi hija en el hogar, incluso algunos miembros de nuestra familia han catalogado a C como una nina que vive en una burbuja, pero ellos  no saben lo afortunada que soy por tener a mi nina conmigo todo este tiempo.
Te quiero mi niña bonita ... hoy te fue bien, manana te ira mucho mejor!



Isil said...

My little girl was also very reserved when she was younger. She grew out of it as she got older. I totally understand you and your husband,we have had the same conversations. My daughter grew out of this around 4 years old,she is 5.5 now and very sociable.I think respecting their nature and not pushing them is very important. She might grow out of this as she gets older.Or maybe she will not.some people are shy and reserved,and that is fine,too. Sending you hugs.

Discovering Montessori said...

New things take time to get adjusted to. If C really wants to play baseball talk to the coach. See what their experience is with new baseball players. After a while maybe you can leave C during practice time. When DJ first started playing soccer, it was apparent that his father had to take a step back, and all of sudden this boy sprouted. He made friends, and started playing to the best of his ability. Sometimes we do need to step back some, nothing to do with homeschooling. I hope this helps:)

Justine said...

My little boy has never been to preschool either. He is three, and we go to lots of story times, tumbling times, etc. He is a slow to warm up kid. If he was in your daughter's situation he would be just like your daughter and hold on to me. Often he is the only one who is not doing what other kids are doing. And it's alright by me. At first it bothered me, but then I realized it was who he is, and where he is right at this moment. Even though a child does not choose to participate the way we may expect them to, they are still watching, listening, and learning. They are just going at their own pace, and that's okay! :)

Stephanie said...

Patty I totally understand what you have going on here. Bunny (who is now 6) is still like this sometimes. I think that there are kids out there who are just more reserved. I am not like this, so its hard for me to see her not do something even if all the other kids are. I think that she would have this issue no matter where she is. I do tell here that there are situations where she has to join in even if she doesnt want to, and some situation where its ok to be shy. She has gotten SO much better as she has gotten older. This is just one of her personality things that she will have to work on in life. She is an introvert it sounds like and she is never going to want to be front and center. Thats ok. At least that is how I feel about Bunny! I also want you to know that homeschooling isnt to blame for this! I am was homeschooled all the way through High School. I think I am a fairly normal person! ;) Kids all have different personalities and those would be the same in school too! Like I said Bunny is really reserved, but she has a good friend who is the most outgoing child I have ever met! Bot of them are homeschooled! If you feel you should homeschool, then you should. We homeschool right now, but we may not in the future. Its not for everyone, but its perfect for some! I wish you the best of luck and I am certain that C will grow into the perfect little her! Peace and Smiles!

Olives and Pickles said...

Thank you ladies for your kind words and sharing your experiences with me : ) Its always nice to hear that you are not alone!
I agree that homeschooling doesnt have anything to do with C's personality, I know children that are not homeschooled and they are also very reserved!
I have to admit that for a second I thought that was the issue but since C was a little girl always being like that,some people say hi to her at the store or just tell her nice things like"i like your outfit""i like your hair do"...etc and she won't even do eye contact with them at all.
I so try to step back,but I dont want she to feel like she is alone and mommy doesnt understand her feelings.
I am not worry, I know she is a very confident child once she warms up even if she takes a while but its who she is.
She is been going to ballet for more than a year and she never had a problem,as soon as we get there she will go on her class and have fun.
We will keep taking her to baseball and see her improvements.She will be fine I think.
Thank you again my friends!
Your comments always cheer me up.

Karen said...

Hola Paty!!
Te quiero compartir que mi princesa, a esa edad tambien era muy, muy reservada!! yo le llamaba timida, pero lo deje de hacer!!...entiendo que es su personalidad, muy diferente a mama que soy sumamente extrovertida!! Fue un poco chocante que ella fuera asi, bueno te digo que si ibamos a un cumpleanos, NO se queria meter en una casa de brincos!!! y su papa, medio molesto me decia lo mismo!!! tenemos que hacer algo, pues ella en su burbuja...asi asi..., me sentia bien estresica@!!! y me cuestione muchas veces si lo hacia bien o no.....hice exactamente lo que estas haciendo, hablaba con ella, ella me decia lo que sentia, y SIN PRESIONARLA, la exponia a diferentes cosas.... te digo que con el tiempo es un poquito menos introvertida..., pero la realidad es su personalidad, juciosita, calladita, reservada,.... esa es ella. Participa en muchas cosas, tiene amiguitas y NUNCA he culpado al Homeschooling su personalidad.!! La educacion en el Hogar, funciona super en nuestra familia, aprovechamos muchisimo el tiempo y ella aprende demasiado!!lol Soy SUMAMENTE FELIZ, por educarlas aqui, cuidarlas, y por que estan conmigo 24/7!@!! y no se si caigo en tu descripcion de mama rara!!!!LOL... pero ciertamente IGUAL QUE TU, ESTOY FELIZ DE QUE ESTE TODO EL TIEMPO CONMIGO Y por EDUCARLAS EN CASA!!! (SI SOY RARA!!)LOL... Soy la rara mama de una chica reservada!!!

Dale tiempo, no la presiones y tu veras.....

Un abrazo!!

mamita said...

In my opinion, western culture puts way too much emphasis on being sociable, out going and a team player. Just because a person is reserved, doesnt mean that they are anti-social, or can't play on a team. I'm a reserved person and have been my whole life. Reserved people enjoy their own company, tend to be more independent, and less likely to give into peer pressure. They are less likely to change their behavior just to fit in.

I've been reserved all my life and I enjoy intimate friendships as opposed to a large quantity of acquaintances.

In Eastern societies there is less emphasis put on being outgoing. The notion that people should be out going is relatively new and there is no evidence that being reserved is a negative trait. In modern western society, we put so much pressure on our kids and each other to be this or be that...we've forgotten how to JUST BE.

Encourage your daughter to socialize in the way that she sees fit. I've never been one to enjoy sports. However, I loved being in choir throughout my formative years. It was just a matter of finding something I was passionate about to get me to come out of my comfort zone. I even wound up singing solo on stage at only 10 years old.

Don't know,if this helps, but this is coming from a reserved mom who lives a very busy life with a full social calendar.

Olives and Pickles said...

Karen, gracias por tu comentario.Estoy de acuerdo contigo,respetar la forma en la ellas son, y te soy sincera yo entiendo como se siente mi nina, yo no soy muy extrovertida que digamos, soy reservada y cuando voy a un evento donde hay mucha gente quiero salir corriendo por la puerta! En cambio su papa es todo lo contrario, el hace conversacion esta en la linea del banco, yo soy muy diferente, me cierro mucho en mi circulo de amigos donde me siento comoda y ya esta! Es por eso que creo entender a mi hija muy bien y se como se puede sentir! Muchos saludos t carinos.

Mami, thanks for you comment,I will agree with you, sometimes we pushed our kids too much to make us feel better as parents and we forget that we need to respect who they are. My little niece is another example, here at her kindergarten the teachers call her shy, she is great on everything else but dealing with other kids, I will say she is reserved too.The teacher are pushing her parents and her to "change her" and be more out question is why?
We need to respect and let them grow on their own pace I think.
thanks for your comment.